Now that it’s been proven once and for all through this space-time continuum and throughout any multiverses, wormholes, and parallel dimensions that Arsenal will absolutely, positively not win the Prem this year, we really must attend to sorting out just how many clubs will overtake them between now and the end of the merry month of May. We’re through the looking-glass here, people.
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First things first: this post isn’t just about Tottenham. Trust me. In fact, I don’t see this as a proper rivalry given just how much of an upper hand we’ve had on this…antagonism. Yes, Tottenham have finished above us for seven years running, their longest such spell in history. However, recent events at Topspur Stadium mean that we’ll be celebrating St. Totteringham’s Day for the first time since 2016.
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Okay, if you’re a Spurs fan, I understand. You’ve made poor life decisions. The last thing you want to see is Arsenal winning yet another Prem title. Hey, at least you don’t have to worry about us doing it at White Hart Lane again, right? For our other rivals, it’s a bit puzzling at first to ponder why they can’t seem to stomach the thought of us winning it all. Wouldn’t it be a refreshing break from the bland, sterile hegemony that Man City have imposed on the league lo these last five years?
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Eek. While we can pretty safely assume that there are just two clubs vying to win the Prem, just who that will be got a lot murkier this past weekend. Spots three through eight could go any which way, not that any of those ways matter to us other than for spiteful reasons (wouldn’t it be nice to see Villa and Brighton finish above Tottenham? Mmm….).For as much as we look nervoulsy to our remaining fixtures, we also look regretfully to points dropped in the past. Is it too soon to start consoling ourselves on an amazing run, or can we still find a way to finish ahead of City? Let’s get to the roundup…
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Okay, so I was going to go with a reference to Peaky Blinders. Sorry. No hits. Deep tracks only. The bigger problem with a Peaky reference is that we’re hardly a plucky upstart from northwest of London stepping on the big city folks’ toes, so let’s set the whole analogy aside. It’s business time. Conditions are perfect. That’s what I’m trying to say.
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