Tag Archives: satire

Meet Mikel Arteta: Racist.

It’s true. Think about it. He sent Saliba out on loan after loan after loan. He froze Aubameyang out. He refuses to let Elneny play. He loaned out Marquinhos, Tavares, Pepe, Falogun, and Lokonga. He only gave Nketiah the tiniest of chances. He keeps signing white players like Havertz, Ramsdale, Ødegaard, White, and now Rice. Why, that makes it as clear as day: like White on Rice. He’s slowly phasing out black players to integrate more white players into the squad. It’s so obvious that we all overlooked his racism.

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Why’s Liverpool so good & Arsenal so poor at signing players?

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Two players. Liverpool have already signed two players. to our one. What’s more, they seemingly did it immediately, without any fuss or bother. They got Alex Mac Allister for the measly little fee of £35m and Dominik Szoboszlai for £60m, each in a matter of days without any resistance or foot-dragging from either Brighton or RB Leipzig. Meanwhile, it took us weeks to pry Havertz away from desperate-to-sell Chelsea for £62m and are apparently no closer to signing Rice away from West Ham despite months and months of pointless nickel-and-diming. What gives?

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Zinchenko reaches out to Mudryk…

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Mykhailo felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Looking to the screen, he saw “Olek” and answered quickly. “Zinny!” he exclaimed. “You are ready for this match tomorrow, yes?”

“I am, Mykhailo. The question is, are you?”

There was a long sigh followed by several seconds of silence. Zinchenko started to wonder if Mudryk had hung up. “Misha, are you there?”

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Arsenal fans DEMAND Arteta be SACKED after derby draw!

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What else is there to say other than that Arteta is a complete fraud and that this entire campaign, the one in which we’ve essentially perched atop the Prem from matchday one ’til now, has been one season-long fraud? Having stumbled to a second consecutive away draw despite having seized an early two-goal lead, what other conclusion is there?

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BREAKING: Saliba to MISS Liver—Oh. It’s The Sun. Nevermind.

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Proving that clickbait journalism will probably join cockroaches (if they haven’t already) in surviving a nuclear apocalypse, The Sun is out today with an unsourced “article” claiming that William Saliba will miss our trip to Anfield on Sunday. I don’t know what’s worse—that rags like this exist or enough rubes exist to supply those rags with a credulous audience. There’s clearly an insatiable market for these folderol-mongers.

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