Tag Archives: satire

Zinchenko reaches out to Mudryk…

Mykhailo felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Looking to the screen, he saw “Olek” and answered quickly. “Zinny!” he exclaimed. “You are ready for this match tomorrow, yes?”

“I am, Mykhailo. The question is, are you?”

There was a long sigh followed by several seconds of silence. Zinchenko started to wonder if Mudryk had hung up. “Misha, are you there?”

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Arsenal fans DEMAND Arteta be SACKED after derby draw!

What else is there to say other than that Arteta is a complete fraud and that this entire campaign, the one in which we’ve essentially perched atop the Prem from matchday one ’til now, has been one season-long fraud? Having stumbled to a second consecutive away draw despite having seized an early two-goal lead, what other conclusion is there?

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BREAKING: Saliba to MISS Liver—Oh. It’s The Sun. Nevermind.

Proving that clickbait journalism will probably join cockroaches (if they haven’t already) in surviving a nuclear apocalypse, The Sun is out today with an unsourced “article” claiming that William Saliba will miss our trip to Anfield on Sunday. I don’t know what’s worse—that rags like this exist or enough rubes exist to supply those rags with a credulous audience. There’s clearly an insatiable market for these folderol-mongers.

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Arsenal’s North London Rivals COLLAPSE via Conte sacking!

Apparently, Daniel Levy didn’t read my letter. Tsk. It was chock-full of useful, pragmatic, and, above all, objective advice on the necessity of keeping Conte at any cost. Sadly, that polite but firm letter to Levy or at least his underlings who, with some cajolilng, would pass it along to him or at least give him the gist of it never arrived. Now, here we are with Conte cast aside—oh, I’m sorry, he’s left by “mutual consent”, a club’s version of “it’s not you, it’s me”. Conte joins the ranks of Nuno, Mourinho, Pochettino, Sherwood, Villas-Boas, and, well just about every manager of the last 15 years in getting sacked.

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Open Letter to Daniel Levy regarding this current crisis…

Dear Daniel (may I address you as Daniel? Good.)—

I come to you in a spirit of camarederie, sympathy, and, yes, even respect. Set aside any suspicions you may have about this being a blog dedicated to your club’s biggest rival (our club is quite a bit larger than yours, you must admit). Oh—I’m being told that “biggest” in this sense usually refers to the importance of the rivalry, not the relative size of the two clubs involved. Hm. Be that as it may, I hope you will be open to my entreaty.

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