Tag Archives: Peter Bankes

Lee Mason is an incompetent, bumbling dolt. That is all.

Well, there’s more. It wouldn’t be much of a blogpost with only a title and no actual post. I could go the way of certain poblications that will go unnamed for now, giving you roughly 100 words of text interspersed with about the same number of images and/or ads, but I know that you’re here for more than that. You’re here here, fine reader, for the same petulant, self-absorbed whining I dispatch almost daily. Let’s get to it, it then. As I’ve already stated, Lee Mason is an incompetent, bumbling dolt. He’s so incompetent that he makes me pine for Jon Moss. What’d he do this time? It’s what he didn’t do, and it was the only thing he really had to do: draw a few lines. A child could do it, really.  However, according to PGMOL representeative Chris Foy, the VAR referee simply forgot to check the offsidein the buildup to the Brentford goal. That VAR referee would beyou guessed itLee Mason. Lee effin’ Mason. 

All that this paste-eating, nose-picking clod had to do was draw a few lines to see that Berntford’s Christian Norgaard—he who assisted the goalwas offside, and not one of those “a few molecules of that litlte piece of skin you sometimes get alongside your pinky finger was offside” calls. It’s most if not all of his body. In fact, Lee, I don’t know if you’re merely incompetent or actively corrupt or corruptly incompetent or incomptetently corrupt. You’re in charge of VAR. A goal’s been scored after a Benny Hill sequence in the box, and your job was to check to see if any Bees strayed offside. On the final header that went to Norgaard, though, you can quite easily pause the video to check. Heck, you don’t even need lines, you warthog-faced buffoon. Just look at the screen. You know, the screen it’s your job to look at. It’s staring you right in the face, you clouted, beetle-headed maggot-pie.

At some point, they’ll come out and admit, just like they did after disallowing Martinelli’s goal against Man U, that they got it wrong. Scratch that: that’s too direct. They’ll fall back on some kind of passive voice like “mistakes were made”. Speaking of Martinelli, remember that goal he scored last season when VAR spent almost five minutes checking before “realising” he was offside? It’s hard to resist the idea that there’s incompetence, corruption, or even conspiracy here.

Let’s pull back from the brink though to acknowledge for a moment that we didn’t really deserve to win despite keeping 69% possession. Brentford has numerous gilt-edged chances to score but just couldn’t take them. If we’re going to play an entire match hoping that one goal is enough to secure three points against a tricksy opponent and against the quality of refereeing we are all too familiar with, we’re going to have to live with this kind of outcome.

Still, with all of this money flying around, one would think that we could find either better technology or smarter people to supervise it. Why are we relying on retired referees who were incompetent at their first jobs to operate technology invented when they were already sizing up their pensions while squinting through bifocals? Can we not hire some eagle-eyed conmputer science types for whom toggling between numerous screens and considering isometric geometry are second-nature?

If this story proves true, it would mean that five of the 12 points we’ve dropped so far were due to admitted mistakes, and we could add to that maybe another four points dropped due to unadmitted mistakes. It’s mind-boggling. 

Speaking of the decision after the match, Arteta was defiant and stoic by turns, saying:

I’m hoping the cameras and the visuals … maybe it looks like there were two actions. I don’t know. It’s too late, it’s fine. The goal was allowed and we dropped two points. With the second [possible offside], I don’t know because you have to see the line the way they see it with the cameras. It’s irrelevant. It’s gone.

Simply put, we can’t dwell on this. We shouldn’t forgive and we certainly shouldn’t forget. We have to use this to fuel our fire, to score and score again to take these drooling, mouth-breathing fools out of the equation. We’re going to need that fire in just a few days’ time.

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Why can't we score one more goal? Violent Femmes weigh in…

(For the full effect, click here to play an instrumental karaoke version of the original Violent Femmes classic). If you’re in the pub, this could make for a bit of fun.

Game…after game…

I will walk, and I will play…
but the day…after today…
I will stop…and I will start…

Why can’t we score one more goal?Why can’t we score one more goal?
There may be some shots that glance off the pole,
but I look at the score, and—I need a goal.
Why can’t we get just one call?Why can’t we get just one call?Believe me, I’d know what to doBut something won’t let the ref…call a foul.
Why can’t we get just one pen?Why can’t we get just one pen?I’d really like to play against ten menBut I waited my whole life for just one
Day after day,I get angry, and I will saythat the day is in my sightwhen we’ll win the Prem and say goodnight.
Oh, ma-Mikel, Mikel-mo-ma-mikHave you kept your eye, your eye on picks ?I know you’ve had problems, you’re not the only one.When our Jesus left, he left us on the run.
Oh, ma-Mikel, Mikel-mo-ma-mik,Take a look now at TP5’s last try.
He’s dribblin’ ’round like he might be high:
He’s shot from outside the box and let it fly.
So please put, put, put that shot on frame!Please put, put, put that shot on frame!You know the ref we cannot blame,
so please put, put, put that shot on frame!
So please put, put, put that shot on frame!Please put, put, put that shot on frame!You know the ref we cannot blame,
so please put, put, put that shot on frame!
Passing up the pitch and at the edge of the box, 
Do we have a fox in the box?Please don’t choke, find the bloke;cross and reach for a leg of hope.
Words to memorize, words hypnotize;words make my mouth exercise.Words can’t fail to make them rise;nothing they can say when we hold the prize.
Oh, ma-Mikel, Mikel-mo-ma-mik,I would love to love you, loverCity is restless, they’re ready to pounceHere in the Prem chase, ounce-for-ounce
Oh, ma-Mikel, Mikel-mo-ma-mik,I would love to love you, loverCity is restless, it’s ready to pounceHere in the Prem chase, ounce-for-ounce
They’ve given us a decision to make,things to lose, points to take.Just as she’s about ready to cut it upShe says, “Wait a minute, honey, I’m gonna add it up.”
Add it up, add it up!Add it up, add it up!Add it up, add it up!Add it up, add it up!
Add it up, add it up (day after day)!Add it up, add it up (I get angry)!Add it up, add it up (and I will say)!Add it up, add it up!
Add it up, add it up (that we will best all of them)!Add it up, add it up (when I’ll take a bow)!Add it up, add it up (and win the Prem)!Add it up, add it up!

Arsenal 1-1 Brentford: Vote for Player Ratings & MOTM!

Thomas Frank took a page from Sean Dyche’s playbook (joke’s on Sean as he only has one page), keeping almost his entire squad behind the ball for long stretches and hoping to hit on counters. To be honest, though, the Bees had the lion’s share of the best chances, forcing numerous key saves from Ramsdale. At the hour mark, we were probably fortunate to still be in scoreless draw rather than trailing by at least a goal. However, Saka fought his way past his mark to get to the byline and sent a pass cutting back across the box. Trossard, having just come on a few minutes prior for Martinelli was there at the far post to poke home from an awkward short-hop half-volley. There was still a lot to do minding Toney and Mbeumo and sure enough, Toney poked it home during a scramble. VAR refused to overrule it despite a legitimate offside shout. We couldn’t find a winner and have dropped points two matches in a row for the first time all season. Well, let”s get to the poll and rate the lads. That nifty results graphic will be ready later; you can view the results as they roll in by clicking here.

The Bees are on the what now? A Brentford Preview…

We’ve come a long, long way since that shocking loss to start the 2021-22. Even when we could point to all sorts of factors—unavailable players, new players still adjusting, a side promoted to the Prem for the first time and to the top flight since 1947 playing in front of a raucous crowd—that loss had the feel of something calamitous. It didn’t help to then lose at home to Chelsea and then away to Man City in a 5-0 drubbing that sank us to the very bottom of the table. Fast-forward 18 months and we’re at the very opposite of ends.

The Bees, though, are flying almost as high, having now lost just once in their last 12 Prem matches, including a win at the Etihad, and sit seventh (I’ve had to add them to the week-by-week table as a result). One way to read that is to say they’re on a dangerous roll; t’other, to say that they’re due for a fall. For as hot as they’ve been, they also blow awfully cold, such as when they somehow let Toon score their monthly allotment of goals in a 5-1 thrashing or when the Villans put four past them.

That’s the risk to Thomas Frank’s style of play with a lot of high pressing and aggressive attack. When it works, it can be a joy to watch. It does, however open them up especially when fullbacks get up the pitch. We exploited their weaknesses to the tune of a 0-3 win back in September, and one has to feel that they may feel the brunt of our frustration after having dropped points at Goodison Park last weekend.

The dominant narrative to have emerged from that setback—coming on the heels of getting dumped from the FA Cup by Man City—is that our season now teeters on the brink of implosion. Skim too many headlines, and it will start to seem like we’ve already tumbled from the top of the tableand are mired in the midtable muck along with the likes of Liverpool and Chelsea. Gross. 

The reality is that we’re hardly the only title-chasing to have dropped points. We are the only title-chasing side nursing a five-point gap with at least one game in hand over each of our chasers. Each time we’ve dropped points in the league, we’ve responded fiercely, and that’s something Brentford will know something about. It’s just their luck that they’re the ones to have to again face us after we’ve lost. I’m not saying that past is prologue by any stretch, but we’re arguably stronger now than we were in September.

I have a feeling our lads will come out ferociously and will possibly score inside the first 13 minutes on our way to another 3-0 win over these Bees.