Tag Archives: Manchester United

They’re droppin’ like flies to avoid the Emirates: A Man U Preview

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Mason Mount? Out. Raphaël Varane? Out. New signing Rasmus Højlund? Out. Luke Shaw? Out. Add to this list another four prospects who’ve been ruled out, and it starts to feel like Ten Hag’s minions might be coming down with a collective case of the sniffles in order to avoid facing the Arsenal. I know that the injury list causes more than a few of us a bit of an 8-2 PTSD, but that was ages ago. They’re coming into the Emirates, and, even if we’ve both wobbled a little bit, we have to feel something resembling confidence going into this fixture.

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Rivals’ Roundup—the one in which we learn about apophasis!

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First things first: to stave off insanity if not carpal tunnel, I’m going with a completely arbitrary blend of who’s currently in the top four, who was in the top four at the end of last season [sob], and who seems most likely to be fighting for a top-four spot at the end of this one. If the Hammers feel slighted, well, they can get bent (there’s some quip on a bent doornail in there, but I can’t find it). Shots will be taken, offside will be given, a yellow card, a red card, ere the sun, um, rises. Round up, rivals, Let’s get to it.

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Rivals fume that “Arteta’s just a chequebook manager!” Let’s check the numbers.

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Last summer, Arsenal were grilled for “wasting” £54m on Ben White when Man U were the savvier club for getting Varane for only £35m. We were pilloried for spend £25m on twice-relegated Ramsdale, and now Man U are praised for spending £46m on Onana—whom Inter had gotten on a free transfer the year before. Fast forward to this current window, and we’re being criticised for having spent £200m on players. Arteta, it seems, is in fact Guardiola’s pupil; he learned to spend and spend and spend some more. He’s a fraud with more follicles and nothing more. I just hope that Stan stays solvent…

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Who needs Havertz when we have our own Croydon de Bruyne?

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Casemiro looking to add to his haul of red cards…

Yes, it was only a 19-minute cameo. Yes, it was a meaningless preseason friendly. No, he didn’t score any goals. However, Emile Smith Rowe, fresh of a triumphant turn with the England u21s, looked alert and lively as he skipped past Man U defenders (when they weren’t hauling him down or kicking out at him). He’s still working his way back from the groin injury that hindered him through the 2021-22 campaign and the surgery that waylaid him for most of the 22-23 campaign, but the early returns from that cameo suggest he’s close to being back in a major way.

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Just liquidate this sorry excuse for a club. #ArtetaOut!

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Well, so much for battering a hated rival in order to send them and others vital message. We probably should have followed our 5-0 thrashing of the MLS All-Stars with something a bit more braggadocious than this, a 2-0 loss to one of our most-bitter rivals, but that ship has sailed. What’s clear is that Arteta is an impostor, our players are overpaid flat-track bullies, and Man U are winning a quadruple. No other conclusion is possible. That’s why these matches are played, after all—to sort out the winners and losers ahead of the matches that matter.

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