After Man City defeated Liverpool 4-1 and before Arsenal defeated Leeds by the same scoreline, former Man U defender RIo Ferdinand did his level best to imitate another former Mancunian, Gary Neville, in issuing insipid and inane “insights” into Arsenal’s chances. Apparently, we’re supposed to afeared of our foes after they waltzed past Liverpool…as if we took them to be a bunch of hapless patsies. Please.

Here’s what Ferdinand said:

That was a statement, and that was a signal to Arsenal: ‘c’mon, what are you gonna do now?” This was a difficult fixture for Man City, given the history between the two clubs in recent years, and we know that Liverpool can pull a performance out of the bag that we haven’t seen too often.

Apparently, conceding first at home and having to fight back is more inspiring, more intimidating, and more invigorating than cruising to a 3-0 lead, conceding from a deflection, and scoring again to restore that three-goal lead. Look, I know that Leeds are not Liverpool, and that identical scores do not tell identical stories. Sure, I and many others held onto some hope that Liverpool might rise to the occasion and blunt Man City’s momentum, hope that was boosted by the absences of Foden and Haaland.

If however Ferdinand thinks that we need his help in understanding the threat that a still-superior City side pose to our ambitions, he might also be interested in our reaction to his advice in locating ursine defecations in deciduous ecosystems or in identifying the spiritual orientations of the pontiff. In all three instances, that reaction is essentially—but, of course, politely—eat my shorts. Eat all of our shirts (yes, at this point, it is acceptable to imagine Neville shaking his fist and yelling at Ferdinand, “shake harder, boy!”).

Look, I know the life of a pundit must be hard, trying to both look and sound intelligent while coming up with hot takes. However, getting paid whatever Neville or Ferdinand or Crooks gets paid to spout folderol once or twice a week does suggest that they might occasionally come up with something that actually kind of sort resembles something in the vicinity of something that approximates something that is a reasonable facsimile of useful insight.

At this, I turn to camera #3 to address Ferdinand: Rio, none of what you’ve said is remotely original, insightful, or useful. You do get a green “Participant” ribbon, so enjoy that.

Okay, back to camera #1. One last thing: this month, you can enter a raffle for a £25 Arsenal Direct gift card by commenting on this and other posts. Yes, it’s a direct attempt at bribing you to join the conversation. The more often you comment, the better your chances at winning!