Reports out of [insert name of country and publication here] have linked Arsenal with [insert top-tier team or obscure backwater team name here]’s [name over-priced 31-year old or unknown 17-year old], who has turned heads with his [choose one: prolific scoring/ tenacious defense] and has lead his team to the top of [insert name of European football league here]. Arsene Wenger is believed to have discussed an offer of [roll six-sided dice four times and put sum here]. There is likely to be competition for his signature, however, with other reports suggesting that [add several names of various European teams here] are also following [player’s last name here]’s progress. According to [player’s last name here]’s agent, the player is keen on a move to the Premier League and the Emirates is a distinct possibility. “We have had some interest from several European clubs, it is true,” said [player’s last name here]’s agent. “We have had talks with Arsenal, so a move in June is possible.”
Woof. I hope that wasn’t as tedious to read as it was to write. Look, I get it. We’re up for a long stretch without a match to prepare for or a result to dissect, and minds will quite naturally turn towards other subjects. Given our recent losses and reports of financial status, I understand why names are getting tossed around. It’s about as purposeful as window-shopping. A few weeks ago, my wife and I took the kids to a posh hotel downtown for a vacation, figuring it’d be cheaper and less hassle that getting on a plane to go somewhere, and walked past all sort of shops. Did you know that men’s wristwatches can sell for $10,000? I think they must keep more-accurate time at that price. Or maybe they can change their own date-setting on leap-years instead of you having to twist that little knobbie on your own on March 4th after you finally realize it’s a leap year. I digress. Transfer-talk in March is like putting together a Christmas list in September, and you have just as much a chance of getting what’s on your list as a 6-year does on his or hers. Just like those kids, there is no Santa Claus who will magically deliver all of these wonderful gifts on a wondrous December morning. Oh–if you are a small child, or someone more grown-up whose childish naïveté has not yet been crushed by the cynicism of the modern world, ignore that last sentence. Moving on. Instead of Santa, we have a fretful board that worries about how much this will all cost and just how little they can get away with spending in order to placate us without jeopardizing the budget.
I’m sure that all of us have our wishlists; I know I’m guilty of dreaming of a striker or two, maybe a keeper or menacing center-back, but until I read something like the following, I don’t really care to spend too much more time on it: “____________________ has signed a deal with Arsenal for the 2013-14 season”. Otherwise, all of the articles that address rumors are only there to generate page-views and ad revenue for the sites that post them (and, yes, I realize that I hardly above the fray on this, having just written this and other posts that discuss the very issue).
Do we need some new players? Yes. Is now the time to start bandying rumors about? Apparently. Is now the time for minnows like me to worry about transfer rumors? Nope. Arsene, bless his little heart, likes to wait until the transfer-window is just about closed before announcements are official. That’s another subject for another day. Until then, go occupy your time with something more fruitful, like interacting with other human beings or learning a musical instrument. I’m working on the guitar.